I am a ghost.

i just saw someone say somewhere, religion is ignorance.

but that doesn’t make any sense.

people’s perception of God is so off, they think hey understand when they don’t and it makes me sad. i am sad for all the souls, i am sad they mock my Creator, the only One who loves me unconditionally, the only One who gives me hope, and life, and reason. 

it is very hard to live in a world where the world mocks you, everything you stand for and believe in, it makes you feel lonelier, hated, disliked, and for what? loving God. calling yourself a follower of religion. and there are very little people who would defend you.

of course, my faith, Christianity is not about religion. it isn’t about rules and act a certain specific way and go to heaven. it is..give your life to Him who suffered and died for you, knowing that you are a dirty sinner, wretched and awful and hateful, and yet He still loves you. His heart was beyond broken for you, and He wanted to save you. i don’t see what is so bad about that. about wanting to live for Christ. having that relationship. feeling His overwhelming love. 

it is unfair that people can walk around telling lies and think they have it right, but our truth is considered false. 

another reason i want to destroy myself not because of the fact i feel pressure from other Christians, but pressure from non Christians who have no sympathy. who judge me. i want to show the world what it’s like to feel hated. part of that is my own guilt, in the fact that i do claim Christianity and yet my actions and thoughts sometimes, suggest otherwise. 

but i feel love from God. the only thing i have to live for is Him. life without God would be so empty. i have so much love for Him. love. 

why is that ignorance? 

i can’t even collect my thoughts because i’m just blown away..my scattered mind has no place for organization. i doubt anyone will read this, but if you do/did, i apologize for the scatteredness. 

if people were to unfollow me because i stand up for God, then so be it.